Girrrah!
Well, here I stand at 44! And honey, what a beautiful, unpredictable, stretching, refining, glorious journey it has been. As I celebrate another trip around the sun, I've been reflecting on the woman I've become, the things I've released and the lessons that have changed the way I experience life. You know, birthdays used to feel like a checkpoint for me. Another year to measure what I'd accomplished, what I still needed to do and how much further I had to go. These days, I'm far more interested in how deeply I'm experiencing the life I've already been blessed with. And at 44, I wanted to share four of the greatest lessons I've learned so far. Maybe one of them will meet you right where you are.
Lesson 1: Put the paintbrush down. Girl, I have finally given myself FULL permission to stop trying to paint every detail of what my life is supposed to look like. For years, I was the artist, the curator, the planner and the inspector of the masterpiece. LOL! I had a picture in my mind of how things should unfold, who should be there, what success should look like and exactly how God should deliver it. And somewhere along the way, I realized how exhausting it is to keep repainting a life that's already beautiful. I've outgrown the need to curate every outcome and grown into a deeper acceptance of what IS. And surprisingly, that place of acceptance feels so much safer than control ever did. There's an incredible peace that comes with trusting the life that's unfolding in front of you instead of constantly comparing it to the one you imagined. Sometimes the most beautiful thing you can do with your life is put the paintbrush down and let God finish the picture.
Lesson 2: Boundaries are part of good stewardship. Now, this one took me a minute! I'm a natural sharer. Always have been. I was the little girl who would give away all of her Easter eggs to the girl who hadn't found any. I have always found tremendous joy in giving, helping, including and making sure everybody has a little something. And I still love that about myself. But I've learned that generosity without discernment can become depletion dressed up as kindness. Whew! Everything God places in your hands comes with a responsibility to care for it, including your time, your energy, your peace, your gifts and your relationships. I've learned that I can be loving without being endlessly available. I can be generous without giving everything away. I can have compassion for someone and still recognize that their access to me needs to change. Boundaries haven't made me less loving. They've taught me how to love from a place of fullness. And honey, that's good stewardship.
Lesson 3: Man cannot externally command what he is not internally. Read that again. This lesson has changed the way I think about leadership, relationships, success and even the things I ask God for. We spend so much time trying to command outcomes in the world around us without examining whether we've cultivated the capacity to sustain them within ourselves. We want peace while entertaining chaos. We want abundance while operating from scarcity. We want respect while abandoning our own boundaries. We want growth while clinging to the very habits that keep us small. Girl, the external world can only be managed so far when the internal world is still begging for attention. I've learned that the greatest work I will ever do is the work within me. Before I ask for more, I ask myself who I am becoming. Do I have the capacity to hold it? The wisdom to steward it? The peace to enjoy it? The courage to remain myself once it arrives? Your next level will ask something of your character long before it asks something of your calendar. And that is why personal development will always be a priority for me.
Lesson 4: Love anyway. Celebrate anyway. Forgive anyway. Show up anyway. Ohhhh, this one right here. Life has a way of handing you experiences that could convince you to close your heart, dim your light or become suspicious of every beautiful thing that comes your way. People will disappoint you. Plans will change. Some relationships will end differently than you imagined. Some seasons will require more courage than you thought you had. And after all of that, you still get to decide what kind of woman you want to be. I've decided that disappointment doesn't get to turn me into someone I don't recognize. I'm going to love anyway. I'm going to celebrate anyway. I'm going to forgive anyway, even when forgiveness comes with distance. I'm going to show up anyway, even when I don't have every answer. I'm going to laugh loudly, wear the fabulous outfit, give the compliment, take the trip, receive the blessing and enjoy this beautiful life God has given me. I refuse to let the difficult chapters steal the joy from the ones I'm still writing.
And perhaps that's the greatest gift of turning 44. I'm learning that maturity isn't about having everything figured out. It's about becoming comfortable enough with yourself to live fully while you're still figuring things out. I have fewer things to prove, more things to appreciate and a much deeper understanding of what deserves my energy. The woman I am today would probably surprise the woman I was ten years ago. And I love that for both of us. She worked so hard to get me here, and now I get to enjoy what she built while making room for everything God still has in store.
Thank you for being part of my journey, for growing alongside me and for giving me the privilege of sharing so much of my life with you. At 44, my heart is full, my hands are open and my paintbrush is officially DOWN. LOL!
Love you BIG!
Charis
